Tuesday, April 30

Halloween Lists: All ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ Movies Ranked from Worst to Best

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Fact: if I could wrap myself in my Batman snuggie with my Stark Enterprise pajama pants, one of my two-sizes-too-big hoodies over one of the hundred graphic tees I wear on repeat and sleep for I don’t know, the next three months straight, with a huge grin I would. And luckily, I could, with ease. Not like those poor bastards over on Elm Street. You know, the kids whose parents formed a mutiny to kill Fred Krueger. They burned him alive! And for what? Well, I guess we know for what. Maybe.

Regardless, I don’t have to worry about some horrifically burned, homicidal child killer stalking my dreams. Nope. For me, good ole’ sleep paralysis is my big enemy of the dark. And that ghost that hangs around my house that occasionally turns on the dishwasher (solid roommate).

Trust me: the ghosts and goblins of my life could be a terrifying franchise of its own and before you get wise, No! I am not talking about all of my exes. For the love! What are we even sitting here discussing over a delicious Dunkin’ extra large with extra cream and extra sugar? Oh yeah! “A Nightmare On Elm Street.” The horror franchise that gave its lead maniac a personality. And has given this guy a hell of a lot of scares and laughs over the years. Let’s rank them! Here’s my hot take on all nine films featuring everyones favorite horror icon, Freddy Krueger. The Movie Buff Presents all the “Nightmare” films ranked!

9. ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ (2010)

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Jackie Earle Haley in “A Nightmare on Elm Street.” (Photo: New Line Cinema).

No. I’m not going to do it. I refuse to do it. Okay. I’ll do it. Robert Englund is a national treasure! I’m not saying they can’t remake the classics, we all know that is the norm for Hollywood. But come one. This is bush league. Once is enough. We know Freddy is a monster but there is something to say about ambiguity. The backstory of this dumpster fire is a little too on the nose for me; the severely burned and mangled nose.

8. ‘Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare’ (1991)

Robert Englund in “Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare.” (Photo: New Line Cinema).

More like the franchise is dead… am I right? I saw this for the first time when I was about eight years old. Rented it from Reel Deel. The best damn video store in all of Northeastern Pennsylvania. Not only could this mom and pop blockbuster provide you with all your favorite films and video games at a cheap price, they sold the finest wicker furniture in the tri-state area. Top notch wicker. Rocking chairs, end tables, coffee tables. Like Nicholas Cage screaming about bees in “The Wickerman,” so would wicker enthusiasts scream about the great quality of Reel Deel. If it’s too much wicker talk, that’s because this movie is trash, Brock!

7. ‘A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child’ (1989)

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Freddy lets us know during “Elm Street 5” that, “It’s a boy!” (Photo: New Line Cinema).

When I was about eleven, I watched this while eating Kentucky Fried Chicken. I’ve only had KFC maybe six times in my life. I cannot eat it without immediately thinking about this movie. In fact, I cannot eat it. And not because it is gross, I’ve always just been more of a Burger King man. Whoppers are life. But this movie is wrong in so many ways. Freddy’s funnier than ever, but it just misses the mark for me. And the titular dream child? Well, that little bastard is kind of frightening. Horror movie kids make me uneasy. Still, this is the moment where I’d say the wheels came off in a big way. We know Freddy Krueger’s the bastard child of a hundred maniacs, but like most things, I don’t need to see how the sausage is made. Unless it’s wicker. I’d love to see a wicker chair made.

6. ‘A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master’ (1988)

We return to the boiler room once again in “A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master.” (Photo: New Line Cinema).

Now we’re talking! By this point, the franchise is all in on Freddy delivering an equal amount of mic drops and body drops. But this is prime Freddy. Carrying on from the previous film, the kills are super imaginative. We care about this group of kids. We feel for them. Yet we still want to see them slaughtered like wheat before the sickle. I mean, at least I do. They’re horror movies! Tuesday Knight takes over for Patricia Arquette and I don’t love the recasting; but it’s not as odd as the Rachel Dawes recast in TDK trilogy, but I enjoy those Arquettes. Deputy Dewey man. In the grand scheme though, this entry showed that even four flicks in, there was still some meat left on the bone.

5. ‘Wes Craven’s New Nightmare’ (1994)

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Robert Englund plays both Freddy and Robert Englund in “Wes Craven’s New Nightmare.” (Photo: New Line Cinema).

I love Wes Craven. You should also. Without him I wouldn’t even be sitting here writing this. This franchise… “Scream.” I mean just those alone solidify him as number on the Mount Rushmore of horror. Craven came back to the franchise he kicked off for the third time here with a super meta, super fun, and scary entry. It feels like a “Nightmare” film and more along the territory he would explore with “Scream” a few years later; but this movie just slaps. Or claws. It claws. We get Heather Langenkamp back to the franchise. We get Wes Craven on-screen. And we get Freddy Krueger coming to life to haunt the filmmakers who bore him. Too bad he didn’t go after those hundred maniacs, no? This is an often slept on entry (no pun intended). Fire up your Mr. Coffee and give this gem a watch.

4. ‘Freddy vs. Jason’ (2003)

Freddy vs. Jason. Come on, you know who won! (Photo: New Line Cinema).

Finally! Here we go. The cinematic battle we all were dying to see! I had a whole hell of a lot of anticipation for this battle of the slasher gods. And it delivers. This movie has everything: two of cinema’s greatest baddies, that bed kill, John Ritter’s son, a Destiny’s Child, that funny guy we saw play the same character in like seven movies and have ever since wondered, “What happened to him?”, and Scut “Mother Effing” Farkus! I mean holy sweet god damn! Freddy won! No Jason won! No the bed won! Who knows, who cares!? You know who won—the fans. People like me and you and anyone else reading this right now. That’s who won. What a blast!

3. ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge’ (1985)

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Mark Patton and Robert Englund in “A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge.” (Photo: New Line Cinema).

“You are all my children now,” or so the line goes from one Freddy Krueger in cinema’s most ridiculous pool scene ever. Amen, brother. You had me at all. But still; what is the deal here? God bless that poor yuppie bastard who tried reasoning with Freddy. Like, oh the disgustingly burned dream monster who may murdered children in his spare time during life is just looking for a sympathetic ear. How kind to reinforce to him no one is going to hurt him. Like Freddy is worried about that! Freddy is to slaughtering teens what Yung Gravy is to landing MILFs. Too much is never enough.

Not much makes sense in this one. From the aforementioned pool scene where literally no one is dreaming, so like, what? To the possession angle. And to the insanely ’80s dance sequence with Jesse doing laundry. “Risky Business,” anyone. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I effing love this one. Too many people overlook its cinematic mastery. Go watch now!

2. ‘A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors’ (1987)

Freddy’s last romp as a (scary?) villain. (Photo: New Line Cinema).

With series creator Wes Craven back in on the creative process, director Chuck Russell delivered one of the greatest horror sequels ever here. Not the greatest. That’s “Aliens;” though if you watched “Dahmer” on Netflix, you may argue that it’s “The Exorcist: III.” Anyway, “Dream Warriors” just does it for me. Remember Reel Deel from above? This is another classic I rented from there a hundred times and would watch on repeat during summer days rather than play outside.

For people who sleep on “Freddy’s Revenge” (they deserve nightmares), this is the true sequel to the original. The kills are top notch. Freddy delivers one of his most iconic lines with “Welcome to prime time, bitch!” and we get the series’ original hero Nancy back to do some more battle with the Springwood Slasher. Some would argue this was there the franchise peaked and from here it was a long slow decline into a self-parody humor over horror. Maybe that’s true; but man Dokken rules and I’m tired of pretending they don’t. What a theme song!

1. ‘A Nightmare On Elm Street’ (1984)

A Nightmare on Elm Street

“This is god!” A scene from “A Nightmare on Elm Street,” 1984. (Photo: New Line Cinema).

For those that thought the worst thing to ever happen to Johnny Depp in a bed came at the hands of Amber Heard, well, think again. I mean, that’s a ton of blood for one body right? What a cinematic debut! Anyway, sometimes the original is simply the best. And here. Well, yeah. Wes Craven is a damn horror genius. Between this series and “Scream,” horror simply does not exist the way we know it today without him.

The first outing here for Freddy Krueger is absolutely gory and glorious and grotesque. Freddy is crude, disgusting, and menacing. Not many jokes here but a ton of iconic stuff. The glove in the bathtub. The nausea-inducing first kill where Tina Gray gets absolutely massacred all over her bedroom… it’s wild stuff. Plus, where everyone was copying John Carpenter’s “Halloween” and that film’s model for a modern slasher, Wes Craven leaned into the supernatural and the unknown and made the impossible possible by setting it up in the dream land.

You can get away with so much more and the need to suspend as much disbelief isn’t needed. Your ability to get away with so much more allows for such richer scenes and allows the audience to be confused about what is real and what isn’t all throughout. You really need to pay attention when watching it. Craven expertly plays with audience expectations of what they are seeing and on top of everything else happening, that sense of unease just adds to the tension and horror. If the horror and tension gets too much, sit back in your Reel Deel wicker rocking chair and tell yourself, it’s all just a dream.

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About Author

Joe is a movie and music enthusiast and and writer. His writing combines his love for these mediums with his unique perspective and unrelenting sense of humor.

1 Comment

  1. Nice work Joe Hughes however I have a question about this unrelenting sense of humor. Is that why you liked the Batman for it being hilariously bad?!

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