REVIEW - 'Independence Day: Resurgence' (2016)

Well folks, it’s that time again. Fireworks are snapping, grills are crackling, and parties are popping. Animals, well, they’re losing their damn minds. Still, the 4^th of July represents the height of summer enjoyment for many a people. Good weather, good food, good company. It’s glorious! It’s also a great time for summer blockbusters to drop. Especially blockbusters tied into said holiday. And especially ones coming as a long-awaited sequel twenty years later to one of the biggest and most iconic action movies of all time. That’s right kids! I’m talking “Independence Day: Resurgence.” Call it fate. Call it luck. Call it karma. But this movie, the sequel to “Independence Day,” with a majority of returning stars and its director — this movie is trash! That’s right I said it! Buckle up! It’s going to be a bumpy ride up into the outer space of my warped takes on film!

At first when this movie was announced, I thought it was a slap in the face to Will Smith that they would do the movie without him. Six years later, I have a better idea what a slap in the face involving the Fresh Prince looks like. And it looks nothing like “Independence Day: Resurgence.” It looks more like “G.I. Jane 2.” A fictious sequel that would no doubt be more entertaining than this dumpster fire.

Jeff Goldblum Can’t Save this One

To make sure I’m not being over-dramatic as I’ve been accused of being a time or two in my day, I just consulted my best friend, my cat, Professor Binx for his take. He sat with me sharing a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and suffering through “Resurgence.” So, he remembers the horror. I asked him for his honest opinion. He raised a gray paw to his mouth, licked it, then rubbed it behind his ear while he contemplated his response. He knew he had me in the palm of his paw but eventually, he responded, “meow,” and that confirmed everything I already assumed.

If you’ve read anything I’ve written here before, you probably know I love “The Fly.” So anything with Jeff Goldblum I’ll usually give a chance. But even Brundle-Fly misses the mark here. So does Bill Pullman. I am a huge Bill Pullman fan. “The Serpent and the Rainbow” is great; and in recent times, he is a joy in “The Sinner.” But no. I ask of you, what is the plot here? I can’t tell. It’s all spectacle and no story, The heart of this movie is non-existent. I feel like with the warlord take here, there is a deeper social message attempted of like, the planet is at odds. Let’s not get to the point where we force aliens come to wipe us out before we wipe ourselves out.

Failing to Live Up to the Original

Liam Hemsworth in “Independence Day: Resurgence.” (Photo: Twentieth Century Fox).

I want to like this movie. I should like this movie. I don’t want to be this hilariously charming cynic who along with his cat just hates on the non-Thor Hemsworth and my favorite character actor of all time, William “You and ya friends are dead!” Fichtner but come on. “Independence Day: Resurgence” doesn’t give me much to work with. It’s a by the books bland attempt to cash in on a wildly successful and legendary IP. In the years since the original, director Roland Emerich firmly etched himself as the Michael Bay of disaster films. And while there can be cases of both providing fun albeit nonsensical flicks, this one just leaves you feeling like Uncle Eddie did in the first one.

Like my lunatic neighbors firing off their shotguns while drunkenly screaming “Murica,” I”ndependence Day: Resurgence” is loud, annoying, and unnecessary. It’s a great example of leaving better off alone. The recent “Top Gun: Maverick” is everything this movie hoped to be. A nostalgia cash grab with some heart that justifies its existence. The only existence this film has justified is aliens. And if I ever think about watching this again, I hope they reveal themselves and take me far, far away.