At the behest of a friend, who told me convincingly that this film “scared the crap” out of his mother when it came out, I rented “Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things” (1973) with relatively high expectations. Unfortunately, the film is a large disappointment, part because it smacks of extremely low-budget production value – from the camera work, to the music, all the way down to the acting, and second, because it honestly just wasn’t that scary.
The film follows a group of friends and amateur filmmakers led by Alan (Alan Ormsby, who is also one of the movie’s writers), who trek deep into the woods with the supposed intention of performing a satanic ritual to raise the dead. Along the way, we find out that this may or may not be a gimmick for Alan to play a practical joke on his friends/fellow filmmakers.
The film does have some high points, most notably the setting in which it chooses to film, dark woods at night, which had the right recipe for setting up a scare fest. The lighting seems adequate, casting the group in lonely, forlorn woods that are devoid of much life until they reach an equally creepy cemetery and abandoned house. Additionally, the film is devoid of much of a score, which is a plus. Many modern horror filmmakers forget that you don’t need loud noises or shrill violins to make a movie scary.
However, the film seems to try hard to squander this eerie atmosphere, as nothing of consequence at all takes place until the movie’s 9/10ths over. Worse, much of the trek through the woods, and even once the group reaches the abandoned house, are monopolized by Alan’s arrogant and pompous rants that smack more of a condescending professor talking down to a group of silly students rather than the leader of a group of filmmakers. It’s so clearly obvious that Ormsby, the film’s only other scriptwriter other than Director Bob Clark, wrote the role for himself that the film loses most of it’s viewers interest almost immediately. Alan is pedantic, annoying, and worst of all, boring. “Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things” could have vindicated itself, were it not for this last affront. But most of the dialogue makes no sense at all; I had no idea what they were talking about, or what the purpose of their dialogue was for most of the movie. As a result, continued interest is an impossibility, and the movie is way too long at only 87 minutes.
The worst part about this is the fact that some of the cast, such as Valerie Mamches, shows capable acting, only to be drowned in a sea of humdrum. The entire cast is little but subjected to Ormsby’s diatribes for most of the movie, as if he mistakenly believed this was enough to carry an entire film.
The movie is also devoid of much action at all, and is just extremely boring. Viewers will doubtless be looking for action to start, as the premise of exhuming corpses and trying to raise the dead does show some promise, but that action never comes. The movie just continues to ‘educate’ its audience with its same overly-prosaic and pedantic dialogue to the point of nauseum. Nothing at all happens until the last ten minutes, and by then feels just too little too late.
In fairness, “Children Should Not Play with Dead Things,” is a low-budget film, and does try in some ways to vindicate itself. It’s ending (which will not be hinted at here), is actually scary and unnerving, and completed by an excellent macabre soundtrack that makes the events that much scarier. And the settings are cool, especially the eerie woods, nameless cabin, and the effects when the group unearths the film’s “Zombies,” which are infinitely more believable than the budget probably allowed. The biggest gripe is simply the film’s sluggish progression and lack of overall interest. The acting isn’t atrociously bad, but the dialogue is stilted, unreal, and not the way people would actually talk to each other. “Children” may provide some scares this Halloween, but overall the film just left me feeling kind of empty.
– by Mark Ziobro
