Review: ‘Ice Cream Man’ is Over-reliant on Gore and Has Little Else to Make Up for it

If I’m being honest, I was confused as to whether this was a remake of the 1995 film starring Clint Howard (“Terrifier 3,” “Solo: A Star Wars Story”) or an adaptation of the popular 2018 Image Comics title. Well, this isn’t either one of those (or is it?). This is Eli Roth’s (“Cabin Fever,” “Hostel”) vision, and the only common thread that all three of these stories share is the mysterious events taking place in a suburb after the arrival of a friendly neighborhood ice cream man (or do they?). But God, I would’ve rather read the book.

In many ways, this feels like a story ripped from the pages of an anthology comic. The only problem is that this film is evidence of a concept working better as visual storytelling on paper, not on the big screen. Like the 1995 film, the story can only move forward depending on how painfully oblivious or flat-out dumb the adults are in the neighborhood. That results in an hour and some change of characters turning a blind eye to massive red flags, and all I could think was, “If you don’t care about your well-being, then why should I?” 

Blood and Guts and Little Else

In a world where horror films are boredom busters meant to kick-start your heart rate, an ominous smile with a bag of powder on your face doesn’t strike me as a charismatic villain. I don’t care if he has ice cream—that’s just not enough. Seriously, the guy’s makeup looks like it was done by a mortician… or perhaps that was on purpose. Still, how does that go unnoticed or unmentioned? The truth is, the sole purpose of anyone over the age of 14 who got a callback to be in this film was to die in the most horrific way possible, leaving the fate of the town in the hands of the youth who are immune to this sweet and savory, Temu-grade Pennywise. All the classic Stephen King elements are present—foul-mouthed kids, irresponsible parents, and an isolated community—except for the actual chilling horror.

I’m not sure if the idea was, Hey, candy and ice cream are sweet and addictive, so let’s make the kids into addicts, but it’s very clear that was a core theme while creating this project. They may have had the look, energy, and ferociousness of zombies, but whenever the film calls for them to attack anyone who isn’t working a 9-to-5 job without restraint, they’re just mindless buffoons standing around. It’s just awful direction and editing. If blood and guts are your thing, then parts of this might work for you, but many of the special effects were horrendous. Even the practical effects were giving last-minute ‘Halloween at Party City‘ vibes. For a movie that’s aiming to hook its audience by being all about the kill shots and as gory as possible, even if the story is ‘ehhhh,’ the least it could do is make the human mutilation consistent. 

‘Ice Cream Man’ Kills all Tension

Little to no effort went into developing this script—all Roth needed was a premise and the word “go.” This is one of those stories where the less we know about the antagonist, the better. There is something inherently interesting about the mystery: Where did this chaos come from? Is he a man, a demon, or an alien from another planet? I personally feel that in some cases this shouldn’t be explored, especially here. The impractical backstory you get seems like it was ripped from a ChatGPT prompt, and the play-by-play on how to stop him screams laziness just the same. The solution appears just as randomly as the problem, and we’re apparently not supposed to question how we got here. If there is any film that went through rewrites while in production, it’s definitely this one. 

One of the biggest crimes in this film is that right when the world is closing in on these preteen heroes and tensions are high enough for you to feel some concern, the movie just stops dead in its tracks. The audience is then forced to watch one of the worst physical performances I have ever seen in a feature. If it fit the narrative and kept the ball rolling at an engaging pace, fine—even if it looked bad. But this scene could’ve been tossed entirely, and the theater wouldn’t have missed a beat. Again, where was our experienced director—or better yet, the editor—to say, ‘Yeah, this ain’t gonna fly’? Either way, I got a good laugh out of it, though.

Little to Keep the Audience Invested

The film just ends with what they thought would be a twist, but anyone with half a brain could see that predictable trash coming from a mile away. With no real story, terrifying imagery, or characters to keep me invested—good or bad—this is just an awful product through-and-through with no redeeming qualities. ‘Let’s just be cheaply gross and see where that takes us’ seems to be the motto here, and with that, this movie drives right off the ‘never going to watch again’ cliff.