“Fast X” contains all of the ridiculous elements that create a “Fast & Furious film” – Vin Diesel mumbling all of his lines, zero existence of science (or physics), enough explosions to make Michael Bay shed a tear, howl-inducing villains, and a barbeque for the whole family of racing enthusiasts. But, just like the previous installment, this addition to the cinematic junk food action franchise doesn’t have amusing set-pieces that catch the audience’s attention. Nor does it have any coherence both in front and out of the camera, ending as a forgettable, albeit chuckle-worthy baffling, popcorn flick.
“Aunque digan que soy. Un bandolero donde voy. Le doy gracias a Dios Por hoy estar donde estoy. Y voy a seguir con mi tumbao’ Y con mis ojos colorao’”… those were the lyrics of Don Omar and Tego Calderon’s track “Badoleros” that graced the screen back in the days where the “Fast & Furious” franchise was just about racing cars… and family (the “core” of its existence). Ever since the Rob Cohen film from 2001 that introduced us to the likes of Dominic Toretto, Letty, and Brian, each film gets further away from what it once was, for better or worse. I think the franchise reached its highest point with “Tokyo Drift” and “Fast Five;” the rest of them range from bad to utter trash.
A Last Ride?
These films are multi-million-dollar action pictures with lackluster direction and set-pieces scattered throughout their first lengthy trailer. It removes the surprise factor of their audacity when you see it on the big screen. The last time we got a “Fast & Furious” film, aka “Fast 9,” John Cena joined the crew as Dominic’s brother (although that, by itself, isn’t believable). And, most importantly, they went to space, smashing a satellite in the process. The crew thought that to add some fire to the ridiculous narrative, they had to strap rocket engines onto a modified Pontiac Fiero and make it fly high into the sky. But, of course, we knew that would happen at some point, so it didn’t shock us. Now, we are at the “final” stages of Dominic Toretto’s family adventures, where Newton, Galilei, and Kepler don’t exist. One may call it the last ride.
“Fast X,” the eleventh installment in the franchise (counting the spinoff “Hobbs and Shaw”), begins with a flashback from “Fast Five,” the bank heist that culminated in a high-speed vault chase on a bridge. We are seeing a different perspective this time around, from the eyes of this film’s big baddie, a mustache-twirling, knife-licking, song-singing Dante Reyes (played by Jason Momoa in the most pantomime of fashions, feeling like he’s in a very different movie from the rest of the cast, for better or worse). Like ‘Sting’ in the WWE hanging in the raptors, Dante has been watching Toretto’s moves all along. He’s playing hidden chess to know the precise moment to strike his vengeance. It seems like a lazy plot contrivance to make him be involved since the very beginning of Toretto’s hijinks.
A Script — and Actors — That Are Too Campy
The main point of this film is to be the first piece of a closing trilogy to end the franchise — until the studio needs out of quick-pumping cash, which won’t be long enough. After that sequence, we return to the present, where the whole family is reunited in the only way they know: having a barbecue, drinking Coronas, and delivering some mediocre quips (with terrible line delivery). Everything went fine until Toretto receives an unexpected visitor late at night. Cipher (Charlize Theron) is knocking on his door, all filled with bruises. She warns him about some forthcoming dangers, the already-seen Momoa. Soon after, without any haste or explanation, we are dragged to another country. Explosion-filled action sequence awaits us. All of them show the worst of Louis Leterrier’s B-movie-like directorial skills.
These scenes are a lifeless debauchery of mindless gimmicks, zero tension, and Xbox-360 graphics, leaving the audience bored out of their minds. It is time to switch things up. The people involved heard you. And they came up with something that will make the experience worse than imagined. The “Fast X” crew takes on an “Infinity War”-like approach to deal with the enormous threat of Jason Momoa’s way-too-campy villain. They have decided to dive the family into teams — the comedic one led by Jakob (John Cena), the constantly bantering duo of Tej (Ludacris) and Roman (Tyrese), the female badasses (Theron and Michelle Rodriguez), and the lone wolf (Vin Diesel) — to fight the Thanos-like evildoer. The best groups out of the entire bunch are John Cena’s and the Theron/Rodriguez combination.
A Franchise that’s Lost its Way
The former has the wrestler-turned-actor presenting why he’s a likable actor to watch. His comedic chops and line delivery are sharp. And although the sloppy script knocks him down a few times, Cena finds his soft landing on a funny quip. The latter is so ridiculous and baffling in all aspects that it managed to keep me entertained for the little time it lasted. However, this division hurts the film more than it thinks. The cast has worked together for so long that they bounce off each other quite nicely, even if it’s repetitive. So, separating them into groups causes the dynamic to switch; the actors need to find ways to make each group hold its own weight. None of them, even the better ones, stay afloat. You tune off immediately because everything, from the action set-pieces to the visual effects, is terribly and uninspiredly done.
Sure, a handful of moments catch you off guard because of their excessive ridiculousness and physics-law-breaking sequences. But, the cinematic junk food that these films had in the past has been lost through its eye of only making millions instead of having audiences entertained. Add all that with its lack of stakes (or tension), and the viewer is left with anything impressive to seek out in this film or the ones that follow it. What is happening to this franchise is the same thing that the MCU is going through. At this point, anything they do won’t cause any reaction from this audience because we have lost interest. We only hang on to these films and watch them at the theater to see their curtain closer. We have seen all of them.
Ridiculous, Physics’-Laws Breaking Sequences
Why not suffer for a few minutes to see how it will finally end (although it isn’t)? “Fast X” is mediocrity at its finest and an action blockbuster at its lowest. On a positive note, Jason Statham is getting some big bucks… which is excellent!
“Fast X” is currently only available to see in theaters.
