Holy Hell! April is upon us and with that, somehow, someway, we are halfway to Halloween! Isn’t it glorious!? I mean, I’m so god damn excited I’m literally vibrating. At least I think it’s from excitement; could be all the Zyn pouches & coffee. You know, now I’m actually concerned. Now as a man in his 40s, let me pop a Beta-Blocker quick so my heart doesn’t explode out of my chest and leave me all John Hurt a la “Alien.”
And we’re back! Alrite, let me address the elephant in the room. It’s been a minute since my last article and for the three of you out there who look forward to these rantings of a horror film obsessed idiot, you can breathe easy because the hand of inspiration has placed itself back upon me and I’ve got a banger for you. So, with that, let’s get rolling here for Halfway to Halloween at The Movie Buff and talk about why parents are the true villains of horror films.Â
Parents in Horror Films
Okay so, you remember when we were kids and our parents warned us that listening to Marilyn Manson and playing video games would turn us into smut-addicted zombies? Isn’t it wild how social media actually did that to a lot of them!? It got me thinking a lot about like Will Smith. And no, I’m not going to make dated references to when he slapped Chris Rock. I’m going to make a super-effing-dated reference to how he once sang about how parents just don’t understand! And it’s true. And never truer then in horror films.Â
Think about all the tropes we always talk about with horror films. Running upstairs, the final girl, I mean literally everything every “Scream” film has taught us. And speaking of “Scream,” it’s funny because Mrs. Loomis, Billy’s mother, is actually the villain of “Scream 2,” but what about Casey’s parents in the beginning of the original? They show up right at the tail end of one of the most iconic horror films starts ever only to slowly pace around the house. Like find your daughter! They’re wafting around the house like I do with my cat Frankenstein every day after work when I tell him about how much I hate being an adult and wish I could be adopted by some rich old lady. NO urgency at all. Ghostface literally hung Casey up on a tree in the time her parents were standing around like a couple of dumbasses. Don’t even get me started on Sydney’s mother also. She was no Sharon Stone and yet she still set the whole story into motion.
What are the Parents of ‘Scream’ Doing??
But that’s nothing. Let’s bounce to another Wes Craven classic, “A Nightmare on Elm Street.” Not only were the parents responsible for the onslaught of Freddy, seeing as how they killed him vigilante style and all. But Nancy’s parents are the absolute worst. Someone should’ve called CPS. I mean even her dad who is a lieutenant cannot be relied on. And her mom? She put those bars on the windows essentially trapping Nancy in the house. The woman spent the majority of the film in the bottle of a vodka bottle, yet we are supposed to think she has her daughter’s best interest at heart. Also, how the hell did she fit through that small window at the end?
More ‘Halfway to Halloween:’ Halfway to Halloween: Meta Horror Movies (and TV) that are Spooky Season Essentials
Keeping with the “Nightmare” gang, in “Freddy vs Jason,” Lori’s father, Dr. Campbell—that dude is a menace to society. Even after his wife was killed by Freddy. I guess he was trying to save his daughter but the execution is all wrong. And going as far to put other kids in a state hospital and sneaking the anti-dream drug Hypnocil to his daughter to prevent her from slipping into Freddy’s dream land, this guy knows the rules of engagement better than almost anyone and offers nothing. Is there a single parent in horror movies who will just do what is needed? Anyone who can truly rise to the occasion? Well, maybe there’s one.
Mrs. Voorhees is the Exception…
We all love “Friday the 13th” and Jason Voorhees. We love the hockey mask. And we love camping. Well, I don’t love camping. Not since my wife took me on that infamous camping trip with her friends to Connecticut back in 2023. Long story short, in the midst of biblical-like rain and lightning storm you would’ve swore Thor summoned, I laid on a waterlogged air mattress, twice the size of the poorly assembled tent, and contemplated if being slayed by Jason would be a better alternative. The next morning while I stood in the communal shower in my Vans, I confirmed it would’ve been. But yeah… Jason’s mom! That’s where I was going.
Mrs. Voorhees is probably the only horror film parent who really delivered; even if by delivering we mean she went on a revenge-fueled bloodbath all in the name of her dead son. And even if her son wasn’t really dead. I mean the continuity is so damn sketchy and hard to follow throughout the “Friday” franchise, who knows what truly is up. But one thing is true—in a world where horror film parents are constantly dropping the ball, Mrs. Voorhees is all-timer.
Horror Parents Gotta Step Up
If we had more time, we could go on and on. “Child’s Play,” “The Exorcist,” “Hide & Seek,” “Rosemary’s Baby,” “Psycho” all feature questionable parenting in horror films. And listen… I get it; I am not a parent. So, who knows how I would handle myself in one of these environments. I could barely be trusted to put pants on when I run to Dunkin‘ for more coffee, let alone be expected to be responsible for anyone other than myself and Frankenstein. And even with Frank, I’m his friend, not his father, and he’s really the one looking out for me. So judge not less thee be judged or whatever Norm McDonald said; but at the end of the day, horror film parents, y’all gotta step up!
1 Comment
Mrs Vorhees was MOTHER before it was cool😆🪓