If you know me, I’d reckon you’re aware of my love of horror films. Scary movies, for better worse, are as much a part of my DNA as anything else. I love horror. I love being scared. You know when you’re laying in bed in the middle of the night, in that twilight kind of half-awake state and you think you hear something downstairs or across the house? And do you know how your heart immediately goes into double bass blast beats like Vinnie Paul? And then you’re frightened to near paralysis? I absolutely love that! That fight or flight adrenaline rush is like a drug to me and as someone not doing any drugs (except the Lord’s Crack, Cinnamon Toast Crunch) holy sweet god damn is it a rush!
Scary movies have been a part of my life as long as I remember. Back when I was a little fella whose parents would dress him up like a member of the LPGA on Easter Sunday, the horror sunk its hooks deep into my flesh; and over 30 years later, it’s yet to let up. Leading the charge now and forever, Jason Voorhees. The masked madman terrorizing Camp Crystal Lake. Jason is the best Jerry, the best! The kills are hilarious, the score is iconic, and the mask is glorious! Fewer things caused more horror at that young age. If anything could compete, it would be the aforementioned Easter Sunday attire. In truth that was more scarring than scary. You know, they say the scars of your childhood inform your life as an adult; and yeah, between “Friday the 13th” and that bonnet, the scars run deep. But here we are. Another Friday the 13th has passed, and what better time to tell this glorious audience about my love of the greatest horror franchise ever.
Just a little superstitious…
Now, I’m not superstitious; just a little stitious. Still, if a black cat crosses in front of me I take fright. You’ll never catch me walking under a ladder or opening an umbrella indoors. Hell, until three months ago, I would have rather been caught dead than camping. Yet, in the deep woods of Connecticut, I found myself desperately wanting to be slayed. Absent the cabins of Camp Crystal Lake and in their place a smaller than advertised tent, an air mattress twice as big and me only fitting halfway in the tent. No big deal until 3 am when the sky opened with a furious flash of lightning and thunderous roar. A rainfall I could only describe as biblical crashed down with such force and hellfire I swear I thought it was end times. Hell, I was hoping for it. No such luck… anyway…
So just why does this franchise reign above the rest? I’m not sure the “Friday the 13th” franchise put the camp in campy, but it wasn’t for lack of effort. These movies all kind of feel the same plot-wise. Carefree teens at a campground drinking, drugging, smashing, dying. It’s pretty simple. Yet effective. Never a hockey fan myself, Jason’s iconic mask personifies horror. That quasi-goalie masks the perfect face of The Great One.
Some foolish camper trees to kill Jason in “Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter.” (Photo: Paramount Pictures).
I will not even discuss the fact that he drowned prior to the start of the first film and his mom did all the killings. I certainly will not mention how ludicrous it is that in “Part 2” he is now a grown ass man who in a pre-GPS world was able to track down Alice, the woman who defeated his mother. And I certainly will not entertain the notion that if there is a severed head in there, I am going to be very upset. I mean how in the fresh hell did he travel with his mother’s severed head, and no one noticed! Still, my earliest memories of these didn’t do as much for helping me differentiate one from the next. It wasn’t until I came face-to-face with the most glorious establishment there ever was.
Horror and movie store rentals
I’ve discussed Reel Deel Video here before but for the uninitiated, this mom & pop shop video store not only provided the most fantastic of trips to the video store, but they sold fantastic wicker furniture as well. This place was amazing and still to this day, I appreciate all the movies I rented there during my formative years. And what style would I get nine times out of ten? You guessed it: Horror. Repeated rentals consisted of “Friday the 13th Part 3″ (in 3D!) and “Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives.” Long both my favorites of the franchise, they remind me of a simpler time. Not only of movies, but life. Not to go on a Reel Deel tangent, but renting “WWF Royal Rumble” for the SNES and getting the VHS with Michael Cole explaining all the cheat codes—what a time to be alive!
Back to Jason. I also love a good Stephen King adaptation. Some Charles Lee Ray action, maybe a little Robert Zombie fairy tale. But nothing in all these years has matched my love for “Friday the 13th.” Not even “Scream.” What it really comes down to is, again, it’s the nostalgia and the childhood memories. For Christ’s sake, there was a time when “Friday the 13th” was a big deal and “TNT Monster Vision” would play them all night long. Or the USA network would play “Jason Takes Manhattan” three times in a row. More like Jason Sails the Sea, am I right?
The Great One of horror franchises
Sack Jason was the best Jason. (Photo: “Friday the 13th Part 2,” Paramount Pictures).
I’ll forgive those later entries for losing some of the luster because well, nothing lasts forever. Even “Part 7” sees the wheels coming off with the Jason vs Carrie type set up with everybody’s favorite dead man Bernie Lomax there for kicks. “Friday the 13th” just means a lot to me. Whenever I’m down, or sad, or feeling not quite my best self, I know I can pop on one of these and see someone get crushed to death in a sleeping bag, or take an ax to the head, or an arrow through the bed and up through the neck, or have their back broken in a folding bed, or even see someone get electrocuted with jumper cables and just really smile and feel a lot better.
So yeah, here we are. The only Friday the 13th of 2023 has passed… and we survived.’ I’ve still got my “Friday the 13th Part 3″ in 3D tee shirt on, my official Jason mask, and my “Friday the 13th” pajama pants. Like all great holidays, why limit the celebration to one day!? Hope you had a killer Friday the 13th!
