If there is one movie that has made me hate Bollywood mainstream with the strength of a thousand suns, it is the epic blunder known as “Kalank.” The title ironically translates to ‘blemish’ and it truly is a giant blemish. It was hyped up for the masses at the time of release and boasted an impressive star cast ranging from the usually bankable and versatile Alia Bhatt, Aditya Roy Kapoor, Varun Dhawan, and Kunal Khemu to seasoned veterans like Madhuri Dixit and Sanjay Dutt, who were banking on this so-called ‘post colonial romance’ to be their comeback vehicle. The only other time I’ve seen this much star power in one movie was in 2007’s hit “Om Shanti Om,” when all the big names in Bollywood came together to jam to the song “Deewangi’.” Even though that was just a grand song and dance sequence, at least it lived up to expectations.
“Kalank,” on the other hand, has a wafer thin plot that follows a young lady named Roop (Alia Bhatt) living in colonial India who is offered up by an ailing Satya (Sonakshi Sinha) to be the second wife to her loving husband Dev (Aditya Roy Kapoor) after her death. Long story short, Roop doesn’t like being anybody’s sloppy seconds and falls for Zafar (Varun Dhawan), the bad boy next door after watching him battle a CGI bull (it was at this point, I realized that this story was itself bull).
There’s also some family drama hastily thrown in so viewers can get emotionally invested and what not, but it’s the run-of-the-mill stuff you’d expect to see more in a Bollywood movie from the ‘80s rather than one that came out in 2019. So even the big plot twist of Darth Vader turning out to be Luke’s father is no great shakes. Oops, sorry, wrong movie… But it’s literally the exact same plot twist, albeit with tweaked names. The screenwriter legit just went ahead and copy pasted the ‘Luke, I am your father’ moment from ‘Star Wars’ in this debacle…oi vey.
Moreover, “Kalank” is overstuffed with all the romance, cheesiness, and corniness of a trademark Karan Johar/Dharma Productions venture—and what’s worse is that it’s set during the days leading up to the Partition of 1945 which is akin to the Holocaust. However, the movie only capitalises off the post colonial era, skimming over the atrocities faced by minorities during this time and focuses less on the historical aspect and more on the melodrama between its characters who seem to live in their own fantasy world of riches and ivory mansions. If you thought Vanessa Hudgens not being self-aware and acting insensitive during a pandemic from the comfort of her mansion was cringeworthy, wait till you watch “Kalank.”
Madhuri Dixit in a scene from “Kalank” (Dharma Productions, 2019).
With regards to production design and setting the scene, one might think that obviously a post colonial period piece would demand for a dark, gritty setting of violence and chaos, à la “Schindler’s List,” but since this is a star-studded potboiler, the sets comprise of extravagant castles, CGI peacocks, and a desi version of a Mardi Gras parade (think “Moulin Rouge”). KJo and crew sure know how to put the ‘party’ in “Partition…” There is chaos and violence in the climax, but only for convenience sake, since it serves merely as an obstacle course for our lead couple to overcome… almost playing out like a scene out of the game “Subway Surfers” (not kidding).
Almost all the characters—aside from Dev (Aditya Roy Kapoor) and Satya (Sonakshi Sinha)—are one dimensional and very unlikable, which leaves no room for any of the actors to showcase their talent. Roop’s (Alia Bhatt) only character arc is catching feels for bad boy Zafar (Varun Dhawan), pity-shagging Dev, before cheating on the newly widowed, morose, and already heartbroken man and finally dumping him to elope with Zafar, who is egotistical and should be the poster child for toxic masculinity.
While Bhatt and Dhawan had loads of chemistry in previous outings like “Humpty Sharma ki Dulhania” and their debut “Student of The Year,” their romance in “Kalank” comes off as forced, and even their acting is underwhelming. Aditya Roy Kapoor and Sonakshi Sinha, however, carry this movie on their shoulders and god bless them for getting me through “Kalank” (even though Sona’s role is more of a cameo and I wish there was more of her). Their chemistry is a sight for sore eyes and I felt bad when it came to a tragic and untimely end in the first half itself just so the filmmakers could shift focus to Roop and Zafar’s lackluster love story.
Alia Bhatt and Varun Dhawan in “Kalank” (Dharma Productions, 2019).
Kunal Khemu seems to have had a ball playing the antagonist Abdul, although his character comes off as a caricature of an ‘evil Muslim,’ thus propagating a very negative stereotype. Sanjay Dutt is wooden and wasted here, as is Kiara Advani who plays Lajjo, and whose only role in the movie is to pleasure Zafar and cater to his over-inflated ego.
The train sequence from the 1995 classic “Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge” (DDLJ) obviously is recreated once again, so no surprises there as it’s a staple of romantic potboilers; but it’s been done to death at this point, so I obviously didn’t care about it by the end of the movie. I was just happy that “Kalank” had finally ended and I could stop gritting my teeth.
I will give credit to the choreographer, the late Saroj Khan though, since the numerous dance sequences and marvelous choreography are refreshing in an otherwise bland and insufferable big budget venture. It’s a treat to watch Madhuri Dixit (known to be the mesmerising dancing queen of Bollywood) in action once more, and Alia Bhatt matching steps with her made my jaw drop. Both ladies bring their A-game and carry themselves with utmost grace in the entertaining dance sequences. And while I’m not the biggest fan of the soundtrack, the title track is beautiful and stands out for me. It’s still one of the most memorable aspects of this movie.
To sum it up, “Kalank” is a blemish par excellence when it comes to both storytelling and characterisation, and simply serves as a star vehicle and a cash grab. Save yourselves and watch something better and more tasteful instead.
