The best remakes do their best to retain the charm and impact of the original, updating their themes for modern times—and, of course, upping the ante on special effects. Irvin S. Yeaworth Jr. and Russell S. Doughten Jr.’s 1958 “The Blob” was a campy affair, more small town portrait than horror nightmare, and was an iconic piece of horror cinema, even if it didn’t reach the heights of some of classic horror’s greatest feats. The 1988 remake, directed by Chuck Russell, is regrettably none of these things. It takes all the best parts of the 1958 original and sheds them away, upping the ante on special effects, but leaving aside the heart, story, and innocence that made the original a worthwhile endeavor.
The plot has been kept roughly the same. A meteor-like object crashes into the Earth, witnessed by a homeless man (Billy Beck), who soon becomes the creature’s first victim. It becomes attached to his arm, and a trio of teenagers named Paul, Meg, and Brian (Donovan Leitch Jr., Shawnee Smith, and Kevin Dillon) take the man to the hospital after Paul inadvertently hits the man with his car. The rest is history, as the blob attached to the man’s arm consumes first him, then grows in size to devour many in the film’s small town throughout its run-time.
“The Blob” is just a disappointment. It feels though its makers had a bag full of so many things (cool creature, homage to first film, better special effects, more characters, enhanced plot, etc.) that it never centers on any one thing. Possibly its biggest affront is that the film was released in 1988, yet doesn’t even really feel ‘80s. There’s no decade-appropriate soundtrack, nor usual gag of horny teens engaged in ‘innocent’ drinking and lovemaking. One pair of teens is on an innocent date, while another is trying to get his date drunk and makes an attempt to rape her while she’s passed out. The parents in the film act like 1950s choir directors, while the small town they inhabit is hinted at but never shown in detail.
There are a few fun elements, such as a town waitress and sheriff who are sweet on each other (Candy Clark, Jeffery DeMunn), but the innocence quickly fades as we see the sheriff and his cohort (“ER’s” Paul McCrane) harass Brian, the town troublemaker, rubbing his nose in his broken and traumatic family. Brian becomes the de facto hero of this film; he’s integral, moral, and relatable—and a perfect replacement for Steve McQueen, who played one of the protagonists in the first film. Dillon acts him to perfection, and it’s a sin that of the six awards proffered at film festivals (all underserved), Dillon failed to garner any recognition.
Shawnee Smith and Kevin Dillon in “The Blob” (TriStar Pictures, 1988).
To be fair, there are some creepy sequences. When one unlucky youth meets his end in a hospital, it is scary, though over the top with gore. Another scene involving a woman trapped inside a phone booth is well done, with a nod to a victim trapped inside the blob which is a bit bone chilling. But all-in-all, what creepy moments the film does foster are quickly traded away for lazy convention. Usually indicative of modern horror more than ‘80s throwbacks, director Russell is more concerned with the body count than the set-up; and, as a result, we have a film littered with body parts but not characters we really care for. There are no real jump scares in this movie, and the original’s key premise—that the blob grows and grows in size until the adults can disbelieve the kids no longer—is abandoned as the creature is large enough to cover a car almost immediately.
The film also can’t resist updating the story to unbelievable heights. Of the original “The Blob,” I wrote about its quaintness: “Today kids wouldn’t race to a doctor or even the police for an emergency in a film like this, and the military would quickly take over.” Well, you guessed it, the military is of course involved but—I’m unable to avoid spoilers here, sorry—is shown to not be here to stop the threat, but has created it to harness it for military purposes. It’s one of the laziest tropes in modern cinema, explaining away all the horror in the process. I’ve come to expect it in modernity, but seeing it in an ‘80s film just stung all that much more.
At the end of the day, the film is just a letdown. Sure, it has some moments that are ‘okay,’ but its insults outweigh its accomplishments. It doesn’t feel ‘50s or small town like the original, and it doesn’t even have that ‘awesome ‘80s’ vibe that carried us through many a slasher film from the decade. It’s a series of events that begin and end, is irreverent towards it source material, and is devoid of many likable characters without really updating anything. If you want to see a better film dealing with alien threats, stick to the 1958 original or watch John Carpenter’s “The Thing.”
