I have vivid memories from Christmas, 1985.
My mom is an avid reader of Stephen King, and my older brother gifted her King’s latest work. “Skeleton Crew” was a collection of short stories that I would eventually grow to appreciate, enjoy, and be influenced by for my own horror writings.
But in 1985, I was terrified of anything scary. And the cover of King’s iconic book chilled me to my childhood bones. Nothing bloody. No hi-tech computer effects. Just a simple image of a cymbal-banging monkey and its gruesome stare. Before it was wrapped, it was hidden under my bed. I still remember summoning courage to pull it out and look at it just to freak myself out.
40 years later, the image from that cover would come to the big screen. Written and directed by Osgood Perkins, “The Monkey” may have been inspired by King’s story but should never again be mentioned in the same breath.
The Plot
The titular monkey: cymbal-banging in the book, drum-banging in the film is chilling to behold. Through unspecified supernaturality’s, mysterious deaths occur whenever the monkey is wound up and begins to play its instrument.
The toy itself is the only thing good for the movie. It’s creepy. It’s unnerving. It has the same sinister presence as an old doll sitting on a shelf. I wouldn’t want to be in the same room with it for a second.
Twin brothers Hal and Bill Shelburn (Christian Convery as kids, Theo James as adults) discover the monkey amidst their absentee father’s belongings. Despite its ghoulish gait, Hal and Bill take it to mess around with. True to the story, when it plays the drum, deaths follow.
Unlikeable Characters
Christian Convery and Theo James each play a dual part, and that may be the problem. Their relationships feel artificial. The acting is fine, but they don’t act like actual brothers. Tatiana Maslany plays their mother. Colin O’Brien plays adult Hal’s son. Everyone can perform but all the characters are unlikeable. Adam Scott, Elijah Wood, and Osgood Perkins himself make cameos.
Who’s to Blame?
Osgood Perkins is a rising star in the horror community. I haven’t seen any of his previous films; “The Blackcoat’s Daughter,” “I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House,” “Gretel & Hansel,” “Longlegs.” They come with high praise albeit some horror snobbery.
“The Monkey” was initially written to be a horror film, but Perkins changed it to be a black comedy. The result is a film that isn’t funny or scary.
I hated the absurd and abundant death count. The mousetrap gags and CGI mayhem reminded me of horror movies I made with my friends as a teenager. The comedic tones were apparent from the opening scene. What I wasn’t prepared for was how disconnected from reality the rest of the movie was. There was really no plot or depth. Just one gratuitous and gory death after another. Subtlety notwithstanding. Perkins took King’s fantastic spooky ghost story and turned it into “Terrifier 4.”
Blood and Guts
The timing and the pacing of the film were off. “Comical” characters appear for no reason. The twins are attending a funeral early in the movie. In walks the priest (Nicco Del Rio) who acts a fool on the alter, dismantling any tension the previous death scene may have brought. Then there’s another scene with the same priest repeating his buffoonery. Or a cop who compares a brutal death scene to spaghetti. Perkins chose to emphasize humor at the expense of everything else, including the horror. And when the jokes aren’t funny and go on for too long, it becomes nearly unwatchable.
At one point, there’s literally a gruesome death montage. We cycle through characters we don’t know being slaughtered in weird ways. A venomous snake leaps out of a golf hole. A woman runs face first into a sign with an arrow. A man is devoured by his lawn mower, his blood and guts spraying over a neighbor who casually watches whilst sipping a beer. Isn’t it just so funny?
You can have horror with comedy (“Scream”). You can have comedy with horror (“Tucker and Dale vs Evil”). “The Monkey” doesn’t know what it wants to be, other than an attempt to shock and gross people out. It’s a forgettable waste of time but get ready for the inevitable bombardment of sequels.
