Well, it’s Thanksgiving again. And believe it or not folks, the ‘Rona is still here, cramping our collective style as we all try to make sense of the cluster eff that was 2020. I mean—my memory isn’t the greatest, and yes, at times, I’ve been accused of being an unreliable narrator, but I do recall back in March there was speak of this only lasting two weeks. Well, apparently those two weeks were calculated in dog years, because this living purgatory has raged on long enough to produce a ‘Rona baby.
I want to go to the movies. Like the actual theater. I want to crush my wife in air hockey. I want to let her win in the basketball free throw competition. And I want to dominate some sort of racing game in the arcade. I want to jump in the photo booth, get popcorn with way too much butter, and chug a large Coke. You know what? Throw some Starburst my way also. But what once seemed so pedestrian, I took for granted. And now, it seems more plausible to go to Thailand than my local movie theater.
So like everyone else, I’ve been sitting my fat ass on the couch and binging tons of shit. Mostly “Gossip Girl,” “Dawson’s Creek,” and a handful of other guilty pleasures. #SorryNotSorry. Plus, I realized I’ve been in such a “Blair Mood” this entire year. For the love! But along with selling my soul to the warming glow of garbage, I’ve also watched a couple of pictures from the safe luxury of my living room. If you need something to watch this holiday to pass the time, I’ve got just the trio of flicks you should indulge in after you drown yourself in gravy this Thanksgiving! Here’s three movies you should watch—and watch in this order!
1. ‘Moneyball’ (2011)
Spoiler Alert: I’m a lapsed Yankees fan. And even if nearly twenty years later I take great pleasure in the suffering of Oakland A’s fans following Jason Giambi’s turncoat free agency signing with the Bronx Bombers, it’s still a hell of a story the way the A’s made ends meet in the face of financial inequality. Brad Pitt is excellent as nearly always (eff you “Joe Black”) and Jonah Hill—I mean this guy can do it all! There’s some heart. There’s some laughs. And above all else. It harkens back to a time when baseball was great!
2. ‘The Social Network’ (2010)
I, too, once wanted to bitch on the internet about my lack of luck with the ladies. If only I realized the friggin’ gold mine that could’ve turned into, I would’ve actually given it a go. Justin Timberlake is so ridiculous here it’s insane. Here’s a brief synopsis. The dork from “Zombieland” joins forces with the least popular Spider-Man and steals an idea from the Lone Ranger and his clone. And then get that dude from *NSYNC to take a break from bringing sexy back to literally brainwash all of society and maybe—if you believe “The Social Dilemma”—sway our political thoughts. Woah!
3. ‘The Founder’ (2016)
I love Batman. I love McDonald’s. What’s not to love about “The Founder?” Plus you get some sans-mustache Ron Swanson. Michael Keaton pulls a Zuckerberg and steals the idea of McDonald’s and turns it into a franchise powerhouse force-feeding burgers, fries, and shakes to every do-gooder family in America, with the sole intention of raising the mean cholesterol level tenfold. It may be Thanksgiving, but screw the Turkey, screw the mashed potatoes, and to hell with your gravy. I’m stoked for December 2nd when the McRib is back!
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! Stay Safe!
