‘Robert’ Review: Proof that a Creepy Doll Alone Isn’t Enough

Yes the doll itself is hideous, in a way that easily surpasses the legendary Chucky and rivals the creep-factor of “Annabelle.” But unlike the aforementioned film, the 2015 movie “Robert” has no plot or enjoyment factor whatsoever.

I’ve been a student of the real life Robert the doll story, so a movie loosely based on these events was something that picked my interest. But a host of terrible kiddish music, sloppy editing, and potentially the worst acting in the history of movies makes the story boring and nearly unwatchable.

When Jenny Otto (Suzie Frances Garton) fires her aging babysitter Agatha, the elder woman gets her revenge on the family by delivering the Robert doll to the son Gene as as gift. “Now that I wont be here you’ll need a new friend” Agatha advises as she deposits the wretched looking doll.

Gene replies as any teen boy would when handed a sinister looking and unaesthetic toy to keep in his room. “Dolls are for girls.” Really? That’s what Writer/Director Andrew Jones chooses for him to say? I would have preferred “WTF is that thing get it out of here! But I guess that would have ended the movie early (which in hindsight would have been the better option for all of us).

Dolls are creepy and Robert is no exception (though it seems a bit over the top, certainly in comparison of the real life Robert) the sound of his pitter pattering footsteps on the wooden floors of the hall and stairs the first night he is there is actually really good in terms of chills.

But then Andrew Jones (whose IMDB bio lists a score of terrible horror movies) continues to go back to it over and over. I thought the scene with babysitter Martha (Megan Lockhurst) was the highlight of the movie and its only a few minutes in length.

But the abysmal acting of mother and father Otto and child ruins the rest of the story. I really can’t put into words just how bad all three are, particularly Garton as Jenny Otto. She delivers lines like a bad robot and has the emotional wherewithal of one too.

Dolls have been and always will be spooky. But “Robert” is proof that the creep factor of the doll itself isn’t enough. It needs to be included in a story that’s decent at the very least. Check out “Annabelle” or “The Conjuring” for much better scary doll options.