We all have a group of friends, our buddies, our pals. Maybe we grew up together, met in college or later in our careers, but we all have them. I’m hashtag blessed to say I have a lot of people in my life I would call friends. But I’m not part of like a core group or gang. I’m a friendship free agent whose best friend is his cat. Now I know what you’re saying. It’s crazy to have a cat for a best friend but Professor Binx is a wise old sage, and we just get each other. He reigns upon his cat tower, judging all who walk before him. We rub foreheads sometimes, talk about our day, and he is just as invested in my current season of NBA 2k22 as I am. It’s just easy.
What Goes into Picking the Perfect Core Group of Friends?
But cat pals, aside it got me thinking: If I could pick a core group of friends, what would be the criteria. Do they have to be wholesome people? Nah. I once had a friend that if you fed him after midnight…well you know. Do I need to trust them? Not really. My pal Charles was supposed to be my friend ’til the end but ended up trying to transfer me his soul and take over my body. Do we need to communicate well? Again no. Some of the best communications I’ve had showed up through my TV in the middle of the night, forcing my family to find a second location when they came back again. The only thing that matters here: Would I want to be slayed with them? You heard me right. I want a group of friends worth getting chased and slashed and haunted with.
With us halfway to Halloween here at The Movie Buff, let’s take a look at the three gloriously gory cinematic groups of friends you’d most like to be slayed with!
1. ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ (1984)
Wes Craven’s seminal 1984 masterpiece introduced us to one of cinema’s greatest villains. And one hell of a pack of friends. Final girl Nancy, Tina, Rod, and Glen (Johnny Depp in his first starring role) are the perfect embodiment of early ’80s cinematic teenagers. Lacking the cynical pretention of the teens from “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” this fearful foursome are right up my ally.
I’m not big on going anywhere honestly, so house parties are get togethers that are right up my ally. Granted Tina’s death is gloriously gory and ruins the hang session, but this is a gang I’d fit in lock and step with. Plus, I’d really like to have Freddy slam me with some hilarious insults. I’ve long suffered from either wicked bouts of insomnia or wanting to sleep for fourteen consecutive hours, so this is a dangerous game. But I’m up to task. If I’m going out, I want to go out like Glen. His death is the best Jerry! The best! His slaying may have literally birthed Slayer and provided the inspiration for “Raining Blood.” And I dig that!
2. ‘IT’ (2017—)
The recent two-part remake of “IT” is killer. Even if the first part is leaps and bounds better than the follow up, it’s great. The Losers’ Club. Now that’s a gang I can support. Full disclosure: I hate clowns. I hate sewers. I hate sailboats. And I don’t care what floats down there. But I’d love to get massacred along with this bunch of dorks.
It’s really about the creativity of Pennywise for me. If I’m going to be terrorized, please don’t just pop up out of the closet or put an arrow through the bed through my neck. I want effort. I want commitment. And ultimately, I want a solid payoff that allows me to live on in infamy. Horror movie murders are like love. Don’t tell me you love me; show me you love me. And do it by terrorizing the ever-living piss out of me for a runtime of ninety minutes and send me off in a blaze of glory! That’s what it’s going to take to earn my friendship here. That is a task Pennywise is always up for!
3. ‘Scream’ (1996)
“Scream” rewrote the book on horror, but did it in such a fresh way I just need to be there for it. Billy, Stu, Tatem, Randy, and Sidney are living their best lives in a pre-social media world. They have house parties (my thing!), giant massive cell phones, and video rental stores. Man can we take an aside for a second to pontificate about the forgotten glory of going to the video store on a Friday night. Whether Blockbuster or an independently owned chain, this is something in life I miss so much. Getting snacks. Some popcorn. A couple movies. For all that is wonderful about streaming and having the instant satisfaction at your fingertips, I really miss being overcharged to rent VHS’ and then getting killed with late fees because I forgot I had to return some video tapes.
Anyway… What makes me want to get in on this group of friends is the sheer mystery of it all. Like, what if my best friend is the killer? Would he kill me? Would he kill my girlfriend? What if I’m actually his partner? Was her mom really no Sharon Stone? It’s for reasons like this “Scream” is almost too meta for its own good sometimes, but still… If I can pick my death, garage door me. All the way. Impractical as hell, but as is life. If I can pick a character I most identify with; and if I’m being honest, I have to look to my charm, my boyish good looks, and my never-ending desire for adventure in conjunction with my rugged masculinity and an undying need for heroism… and without doubt I’d be…Dewey.
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