Party Bus to Hell (TV-MA)

In “Party Bus to Hell,” a group of young adults are on a bus traveling towards Burning Man. When the bus breaks down in the middle of the desert after the bus driver (Sadie Katz) takes a detour from the main highway, they’re surrounded by a group of Satanic worshippers. Seven survivors manage to get back on the bus after the maniacs kill mostly everyone, and they have to figure a way out of this hellish situation. 

The premise is kind-of similar to “Jeepers Creepers 2” in the way that it’s a group of characters grouping together on a stranded bus trying to avoid harm. Except instead of a super strong villain like the Creeper, these Satan worshippers look more like a “Mad Max” fan club. The most memorable character is likely the woman with the big boobs and a corn snake wrapped around her neck, because that’s kind-of hard to forget. 

I can’t remember the last horror film I watched that had this much nudity. It’s like they think giving a lot of naked women for no particular reason, or ritualistic orgies, will make you like it more. That just feels like an outdated concept. 

The film’s written by Rolfe Kanefsky, who also directs, with story credits by producers Michael Mahal and Sonny Mahal. They have enough references (“The Hills Have Eyes, ears, noses and throats”) and occasional self-awareness to show us they know what they’re making. A character even tells the worshippers’ “spokesperson” that she sounds like a “bad C-grade movie.” They know what they’re making, and the audience should know the silliness they’re about to watch. 

The effects in the film are usually bad, but there’s one where a snake is forced down someone’s throat that looks realistic enough to be creepy, even if the purpose of it doesn’t make a lot of sense. I guess they’re Satan worshippers – so they don’t need reason to do what they do. 

The characters also just aren’t interesting. They’re all just young adults looking to party, and main girl Lara (Stefani Blake) eventually gets the most characterization. Other characters are just stereotypes – Stuart the nerd who’s a veterinarian, a meathead named Alan who, in his own words, is a “rich as fuck entrepreneur and wild game hunter on the side.” And for some characters we literally don’t even know their names until there’s 30 minutes left in the film. 

The acting is worse. The filmmakers roped Tara Reid into starring for about five minutes near the beginning of the film as she seems to be running away from the Satan worshippers. She comes across a photoshoot and there’s a half-decent scare here as mummies come out of nowhere, which doesn’t really make sense, but okay. Reid is just totally manic, cutting off a friend’s head in the first two minutes and the talking head becomes a brief prop that’s ridiculous enough to border on funny. 

It would have been nice if the seven survivors confronted the worshippers more instead of just speaking with one of them uneventfully for the most part, which is just a way for exposition. 

There’s nothing new and the real reason the bus is out in the middle of the desert comes with the territory of Satan worshippers. What happens from there is vague at times, like the cause of a major event that kind-of changes the type of horror near the end. 

The concept of getting stranded out in the middle of nowhere usually works, but here there’s not enough action to make it interesting. I like the idea of a bus going to Burning Man getting stranded, or even a Burning Man horror flick would be cool. But this just feels uneventful. 

– by Daniel Prinn