5 Key Films to Welcome Back Sports Post Coronavirus

Holy Sweet Goddamn! It’s been a minute since we’ve experienced the glory of sports. I mean, here in the Age of the ‘Rona, the lack of grown adults being paid ass-tons of cash to play games for a living is far from our biggest issue but still, few things unite people like that of sport. And in these trying times, it is genuinely a welcome sight to see the MLB and NBA returning to our lives.

Now, now before you spit out a wad of Redman and crucify me, let’s get one thing clear here; NASCAR is not a sport. Spare me the ridiculous ramblings of how dudes with porn-staches driving 100mph around in a circle for hours on end is a sport. The hijinx of my cat-best friend Dr. Binx trying to lick his own bum in front of the mirror is just as exciting and twice as dangerous…but a sport does not it make. Anyway…

With the summer halfway gone and degenerate gamblers just dying to wager their stimulus check, let’s celebrate the return of real sports with a list of five must-watch sports movies!

5. ‘Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby’ (2006) 

“If you’re not first, you’re last.” Forget all that nonsense you’ve heard about NASCAR not being a real sport; regardless of the source. First off on our list, this totally bonkers comedy classic. Will Ferrell doubles down on the ridiculousness in the follow up to his fantastic “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy.” Fewer comedic actors really nailed the totally aloof yet totally lovable balance quite like Will Ferrell during this era. And man is he aloof in this one. The supporting cast is killer and what really helps this to standout is that even though NASCAR (not really a sport) is at the center of the film, you hardly notice it among all the lunacy!

4. ‘Moneyball’ (2011)

Honestly, who would’ve thought the kid in the Oscar Meyer suit in “Accepted” and Joe Black would have this much on screen chemistry—but this budding bromance is so lit you can hold a Marlboro to the screen to get a light. “Moneyball” tells the tale of just how absolutely fantastic and domineering my New York Yankees were during the ‘90s and into the 2000s. What a time to be alive! However, it tells the story through the eyes of the Yankees’ greatest farm team, the Oakland Athletics. The early ‘00s were a crazy time for baseball, filled with larger-than-life characters, rampant steroid abuse, a total imbalance of big market and small market teams, cheating at every turn, and an unfair financial playing field. And goddamn if that period which came to be known as the ‘Steroid Era’ wasn’t my favorite time ever! Oh yeah, check out “Moneyball.”

3. ‘Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story’ (2004) 

I’m not sure if I’ve ever really ranted here about Vince Vaughn, but give me a second. Between say 2002 and 2007, Vince had all the makings to be the comedic force of the decade(s), much like Bill Murray before him. But somewhere along the way, things went wrong. Was it necessary for Vince to take some chances with roles, only to see films like “Four Christmases,” “Fred Claus,” “Couple’s Retreat,” and “The Dilemma?” Probably no more necessary than it was for Patches O’Houlihan to drink his own urine, but at least that was sterile and he liked the tase. “Dodgeball” marks a high point for Vaughn; and along with frequent costar Ben Stiller in the role of a lifetime as White Goodman, the laughs are furious. The action is great and there’s just enough fantastic cameos to round out this comedy classic. In a movie filled with hilarious lines, nothing hits harder than, “No one makes me bleed my own blood.” Grab life by the balls and watch immediately!

2. ‘Space Jam’ (1996) 

Man, I don’t want to date myself, but the ‘90s were just glorious. Nothing epitomized the decade more to me than “Space Jam.” Let me give you a spoiler-free take on this film, that if you haven’t seen, I’d honestly rather not talk to you anyway.

Michael Jordan teams with Bugs Bunny and the Loony Tunes to do battle in an intergalactic basketball showdown, all while pouring cold water on his less than successful baseball career with “Newman” as his agent, Bill Murray and Larry Bird as his golf buddies, and my hero, the greatest center to ever play in the NBA Patrick Ewing as one of a handful of NBA players whose skills are stolen by pre-Frank Reynolds Danny DeVito’s Monstars! And there’s also something called ‘Moron Mountain,’ which some would argue is where I reign supreme.

To tie a bow on this let me just say that I had the soundtrack, all the toys, the basketball hoop on the back of my bedroom door and a Toon Squad jersey. In other words, I owned being a kid.

1. ‘Caddyshack’ (1980) 

“Caddyshack” is the greatest comedy ever created. Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, and Rodney Dangerfield all collide here, each at their comedic peak; and with the magnificent Harold Ramis behind the camera, even forty years after its release, the movie holds insanely well. With some comedies, the humor does not age well whatsoever. What helps “Caddyshack”  to be so endearing is the humor is just funny. Not over the top crass, not cruel or hurtful, just funny. You’ve definitely seen it I’m sure, let me just pontificate on my favorite scene for a minute here.

Two of the greatest to ever come from “Saturday Night Live,” Chevy Chase and Bill Murray had a notoriously rocky relationship dating to when the latter replaced the former after the first season of SNL. Tensions remained high when Chase would return to host and with some egging on from the late great John Belushi, the two even got into fisticuffs. Anyway, “Caddyshack” is the only time these two greats shared the stage, and their legendary scene wasn’t even in the script. It’s such a fantastic scene and knowing the backstory makes it even better.

There you go! Get out there and enjoy sports. Enjoy the summer! Don’t overheat! I’ve got a pool and a pond; pond would be good for you!