Review: ‘Curtains’ Straight to Video Feel For This Canadian Slasher

“Curtains” is a 1983 Canadian slasher flick that’s better left unwatched. It was directed by Richard Ciupka. It was written by Robert Guza Jr. It stars a host of no-names, and despite having some chilling individual moments, doesn’t succeed as a whole.

Right from the open, there’s bad acting, cheesy sounds, and a straight to video feel. All of that can be okay for a scary movie, but ‘Curtains” suffers from the ultimate horror sin; it’s boring.

I thought the plot that opens the film was interesting. Absurd, but certainly unique. A young starlet (Samantha Eggar) feigns insanity in order to get committed to an asylum. She’s doing this to go method for an upcoming part. It’s like Daniel Day Lewis committing murder to see what prison is like for a part.

I thought the horror would come from inside the asylum, but that tangent is quickly forgotten as the film divulges into a quagmire of nonsense. There are numerous characters – all of which are so interchangeable I didn’t recall a single name. By the third act I had no idea what was going on. My attention was lost.

It’s only 90 minutes long, and you’ll feel every minute of it. The scenes are too dark. Not in tone but literal lighting, and I found myself struggling to even see what was going on. There’s a creepy doll, which is only there to be creepy as it makes no sense otherwise. And a chilling mask that is memorable, but again, lost amidst a sea of who cares.

I really enjoyed one particular scene involving the aforementioned doll, mask, and a woman ice skating on a remote pond. It’s shot in broad daylight, channeling the creativity of “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” or the yet-to-be filmed “Midsommar.” Bright light and a snowy backdrop make for an eerie experience. Being chased on ice skates is something not often done. The movie gets its lone praise here.

“Curtains” isn’t a bad horror movie, its just a bad movie. It’s slow and plodding. There are pitfalls with the production and story. A handful of parts are spooky, but its not nearly enough for me to recommend it.

“Curtains” can be streamed (with ads) on Amazon