Transformers: Age of Extinction (PG-13)

The nightmare was over — it had to be. It had been three years since the last one. What other explanation could there possibly be that more “Transformer” movies had to be made? Oh right, “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” made over a billion dollars worldwide, that’s why. Sorry folks, Michael Bay gets to continue to ruin our childhood once again. Despite getting higher quality actors (don’t ask me how), he still gives us another entry into Hasbro’s line of toys that manage to be lackluster while at the same time being incredibly sexist to boot. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you “Transformers: Age of Extinction.” 

“Age of Extinction” picks up five years after “Transformers: Dark of the Moon.” A secret CIA unit is going around the globe killing off any remaining Decepticons. Unofficially, they’re also killing Autobots with the aid of a Transformer bounty hunter named Lockdown. All seems pretty hopeless for our robot friends until a struggling inventor in Texas, Cade Yaeger, finds a broken down Optimus Prime and brings him back to life. This not only puts Yaeger in the CIA’s crosshairs, but sets him on a course he never expected.

Since this is the fourth entry in the “Transformers’” franchise, you would think Bay would have a grasp on what audiences would want, but the story is all over the place. The worst part of the series has always been the human element. We’re supposed to care why the humans are helping or harming the Autobots. The humans get in the way and are used more as puppets for the Decepticons (or other evil human characters). This leads to unnecessary screen time filler as the humans get in one sticky situation or another that the Autobots have to rescue them from. It’s like Gandalf dropping in conveniently to help out the dwarves on several occasions in “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey;” though at least Peter Jackson can make an entertaining film with filler.

This leads to another major problem with the film: it’s boring. This is not something you want from a major blockbuster, especially one that is supposed to be an action film. There just isn’t a lot of action, and what little there is, disappoints. This is troubling considering that’s one of the few things Bay managed to do fairly well in the previous films. Bay’s most recent attempt to salvage a franchise that has been deteriorating is almost three hours long. Let that sink in for just a moment. The films have gotten progressively longer with each sequel. “Age of Extinction” is 11 minutes longer than “Dark of the Moon” and 21 minutes longer than the first film from 2007. There is so much that could be cut; though I doubt it would make it a better film.

Bay has always had plenty of sexual innuendo in these films, but it reaches a gross culmination here. Cade Yaeger’s daughter Tessa is the subject of many close-up shots of her butt, crotch, and chest. It’s bad enough she’s supposed to be a high school student in the film, but the actress, Nicola Peltz, herself was barely 18 when she was cast in the role. It gives a very creepy, pervish, and voyeuristic feel as the camera constantly pans tight shots of her body, as if that’s all her character is good for. The shots are supposed to play off humorously, as Cade exclaims that Tessa’s shorts keep getting shorter as the camera focuses on her butt.

Possibly the only thing keeping this film from being complete crap is the one thing the films never needed in the first place: the actors. Mark Wahlberg, while not the best actor, is decent as Cade though he’s not very convincing as an inventor. He is, at least, a step-up from Shia LaBeouf. Stanley Tucci and Kelsey Grammer are the standouts here, though it’s a wonder how Bay got them to be in the film in the first place. Both chew the scenery when they’re on screen, and it’s a real treat. The remaining cast doesn’t offer much. The voice-over actors are okay as well, though again, it’s surprising to see quality actors like John Goodman and Ken Watanabe in this caliber of film.

“Transformers: Age of Extinction” imparts nothing exciting to the franchise. Summer blockbusters are supposed to bring fun and excitement. Perhaps if you’re lucky, you’ll get a good story with characters as well. Michael Bay should do himself a favor when he makes “Transformers 5:” he should get a new writer, remove all actors, and cut at least 30 minutes of film. Perhaps then we will get the “Transformers” film we deserve.

– by Mike Surerus