The great David Letterman has offered us his Top 10 ways to survive a horror movie…
Thank you all, you Movie Buff nerds. Hee hee. Here’s the list.
Number 10 – Consider running from imminent danger instead of leisurely strolling. Got a guy with a hockey mask comin’ at ya, you wanna get out fast.
Number 9 – related to the last one, when you fall down, get back up and run. You can tend to your sore footsie later.
Number 8 – Don’t split up you knuckleheads. There’s a group of five in a perilous situation and someone always suggests splitting up. Bad idea, Paul. Really bad idea.
Safety in numbers, Dave.
Number 7 – No Ouija boards. Ever. Not once. Just don’t use one.
Number 6 – Dolls are creepy as is. Creepy dolls are even creepier. If a doll that looks like Annabelle is gifted to you, make an immediate donation at your local thrift store. If it comes back, consider moving.
Number 5 – If you have strange or paranormal occurrences on tape, don’t just say you have them on tape. Make someone else watch. When they tell you to do your homework, be persistent.
Every movie has to have a stupid skeptical father Dave.
I know but come on, do you really think what just happened was the wind? I’ve experienced wind before. Never once has it slammed a door, locked it, and then dragged me up the stairs.
That’s more like a tornado.
Number 4 – When the music changes and you know something scary is going to happen, avert your eyes. Just look away, Paul. Look away. Hee hee.
Number 3 – Stay away from Clowns. Particularly clowns lurking in sewers.
But they float Dave.
Yeah they float. And they also get elected president. Zing.
Number 2 – If your wife starts talking in a demonic voice, file for divorce.
Leave her Dave.
Leave her. You can find a new wife on tinder.
And the number 1 way to survive a horror movie – if you think you killed the bad guy, think again. There are 200 Friday the 13th movies, 300 Nightmare on Elm Streets, and we just got treated to the eight installment of the Saw series. Too many sequels, and you better believe he ain’t dead yet.